As human beings we have the capacity to rationalise our emotions and thought processes. We can become self-aware. But sometimes there maybe issues that we struggle to think rationally about that then have a negative impact on our mental health. These may stem from our childhood or be more recent. In these situations, we can seek counselling from a suitably qualified professional.
Counselling is an umbrella term for what are known as ‘talking therapies’, where people are able to discuss their problems in a safe environment. There is a cartoon that I love depicting counselling. The client has a bubble above their head full of tangled up string and wool which is causing them distress. The counsellor has a bubble above their head where they are taking the wool from the client and winding it into a nicely manageable ball.
Counselling isn’t a psychodynamic approach where a psychiatrist analyses you and ‘diagnoses’ you with something. A counsellor does not diagnose or tell you what you should do. A counsellor will encourage you to talk about your concerns, help you uncover possible causes and help you create a plan to manage your thoughts and achieve more positive mental wellbeing. There is absolutely no judgement from the counsellor. All counsellors train to work with unconditional positive regard for the client.
No judgement, moral or otherwise, is made on the person receiving the counselling and this is a large part of training to be a counsellor.
For some people counselling is not something they would consider. There can be a stigma to it, or they are concerned about feeling very vulnerable, they aren’t used to talking to people, especially someone they don’t know.
People can commonly worry that they will be thought of as ‘crazy’, or weak. Sometimes they can also worry about feeling vulnerable and fear of the emotions attached to that. Perhaps we feel that we are holding it together and we don’t want to open the floodgates.
It can definitely be a challenge to feel comfortable with sharing with the people around us that we seek therapy. What’s important is to not let the concerns or stigma stop you trying. You can just try one or two sessions and see how it goes. See what happens, then stop if you don’t want to continue.
The length of time counselling is needed really varies according to each individual situation. Counselling should not continue forever. Most counsellors will recommended a minimum number of sessions, say six, and suggest a review after that. It may be that six sessions are enough, or the issue requires more unravelling so longer is needed.
It is the aim of all counselling to not be needed longer term. To empower the client to be able to move forward by themselves and manage their own mental health and wellbeing. The approach used can also affect the number of sessions with some approaches requiring a minimum number.
In order to get the most out of your counselling session you need to commit to attending and prioritise attending. You also need to commit to being honest. Now I’m not saying you have to blurt out everything straight away, the counsellor will work with you slowly, but you need to be able to show all your emotions, even the negative ones. Anger, fear, shame can all be expressed without fear of moral judgement.
You also need to remember that the counsellor cannot work with you to change the behaviour of others, counselling is about you, the focus is you. If you are given homework, commit to undertaking that homework. And when I say homework, I don’t mean a written test, I mean trying something a little different that you have talked about in the session. Be willing to try new things and explore new thoughts.
The counsellor won’t push you to do something you’re not ready to do, it’s a two way communication process.
It’s also important not to expect instant change, be patient. Some of your issues may have taken years to develop so they can’t be changed overnight. Sometimes it may also seem that the issue is worse initially before it get’s better. Change takes time so be compassionate with yourself. You aren’t taking longer than anyone else, it’s not a competition.
Counselling has, and continues, to be an important process for so many people in helping their mental health and wellbeing. There shouldn’t be a stigma attached to it. It’s the same as visiting a doctor. Your mental health and wellbeing is important. Look after it.